Just Another B!$@h With A Baby

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Its so frustrating that we as black women constantly have to defend ourselves. Why is the vast majority judged based on certain individuals who have no standards. Let my mistakes be my miatakes. Judge me based on who I AM. I think one of the biggest hypocracies is that the black community wants respect from other races but dont even respect themselves ! How can you want people to respect your women when you dont respect your women ? How can you want the justice system, and the education system to uplift the younger generation but yet you automatically place kids in a category based on circumstances that they cannot control ? Social media can do as much good as it can do damage. Okay fine if you wish to praise the women with big booties and small brains, but the least you can do is give respect to the ones that try.

If i see the quote, caption, meme,video etc that reads, “under 35 your not a milf, your just a BITCH with a baby” one more time. Look now, dont get it twisted i dont call myself a “milf” i dont wish to be a “milf” and i dont want anyone to refer to me as “milf” but a BITCH WITH A BABY ?! Thats so disrespectful! A bitch with a baby would be one that is in a bad position that she doesnt aspire to change, she chooses to do the bear minimum and looks forward to tax time to get that refund.
Being 20 something and single is not the most ideal situation, but that doesnt mean that i deserve any less respect then the woman who is married with a full time job and house with a picket fence. I may not be there NOW but I can get there ! I nurture my child, I love him enough to discipline him so he can be an upstanding gentleman, I teach him fundamentals so he can be an affluent member of society, and I play with him so he knows life doesnt have to always be so serious, and I pray with him so he knows god has all the answers.I may not have done things in the “right” order but still getting things done. Regardless of your situation having a child, another human being whos well being your resonsible for, is no walk in the park, its definitely a learning experience. A lot of it is problem solving, thinking quick on your feet cause its always something. I work hard and try not to complain because i know that my son is watching me, if theres one thing i would like him to learn from me its that you have to work for what you want, work dilligently, and stay ambitious. People can take your things, but they cannot take away your accomplishments.

Regardless of what people may see me as i know who i am, i would be foolish to allow outsiders comments, thoughts, and opinioms affect what I do. I hope that one day we can learn to help those that need help, respect those who deserve it, and give credit where its due.

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To a younger me.

I think the hardest part about growing up is taking responsibility, and forgiving people who have wronged you.

I burn bridges so easily! It’s so much easier for me to tell you about yourself and never talk to you again. But as I mature and walk with God I have learned that burning bridges is actually running away from the situation. If I run away from the situation I’m not dealing with it, just ignoring it. Ignoring a problem won’t allow me to forgive. God forgives me for my daily shortcomings so why is it so hard for me to forgive the people that hurt me. In my eyes if you love someone you don’t hurt them, love shouldn’t hurt. Instead of burning bridges I should forgive and love from a distance easier said then done. I’m extremely emotional, I wear my heart on my sleeve, I try to treat people as I would want them to treat me. I would say I’m extremely loyal. Im very selfless (unless we’re talking about food.) just as easily as I love you I can cut you off, I’ve been called cold, but that’s my defense mechanism. I’ve realized that not being able to forgive, hurts me more than the other person. I guess I can’t drink the poison expecting them to die (hypothetically speaking).

Being able to talk about the hard things, owning up to your part in the situation is apart of maturing. I think that in order to make myself feel better I would justify what I did because of what the other person did. Tit for tat essentially, which is petty and immature. I’m no longer a feeble minded child but a full grown woman. In comparison I allowed people to stay in my life by making excuses for their actions. I allowed them to take advantage of me, and after they chewed me up and spit me out I was left alone to pick up the pieces. Being angry takes so much energy.

Being in a world apart from the one that everyone else lives in is hard. No one understands what your going through so every suggestion, word of advice, and wisdom just makes you more annoyed. I complained that no one understood because they were not in my position but that forced me to really set goals for myself and push forward. My anxiety made me feel as though everyone had something negative to say about me because of the negativity I felt about myself. The only thing to make those feelings change was to change the way I felt about myself. Growth and change starts with myself.

I felt like I had no one to depend on so I began to depend on myself. I began to find my strength, and realized how passionate, intelligent, and ambitious I was. I began to love myself and everything that came with me. I am extremely flawed I’m still learning to love myself but it happens a little more each day. The beauty in forgiveness is knowing that you were able to overcome something that once belittled you. It feels good to just let stuff go. Once you forgive you can live beautifully in the present. You can’t work on your future if your still stuck in the past.

Ciao.

Coco

I Get By With A Little Help From My Friends

I never let go of people I believe in. Sometimes it takes someone else telling you how amazing you are in order to see your potential. They say the people you surround yourself with, are the people you wish to be like. I can honestly say each of my friends posses an attribute I wish I could master. I choose to surround myself with intelligent, strong minded, outspoken, and of course beautiful women. As we takes strides towards success we constantly share the good, the bad, and the ugly so that we don’t have to take on life’s burdens alone. We encourage each other to do better and never be complacent, as that is the enemy. I respect each and every one of my friends as a woman, with so many strong personalities in one group we struggle with not having to “bow down” to one another as we are queens !

As I get older I realize that every one you call a friend is not meant to be around forever. Each friend has a purpose in your life and that purpose is for you to decide. At the end of the day I want my friends to be just as successful as me, I pray that in 10 years we can sit at the round table and compare success, and give each other advice, not just share grievances. I try to push my friends just as I would want them to push me. Anything is possible with a little ambition, and hard work. At the end of the day

“excuses are monuments of nothingness, they build bridges to nowhere, those who use these tools of incompetence seldom become anything but nothing at all.”

I don’t accept excuses about anything from anyone because I would not be where I am today if I made excuses for myself. I somehow manage to work, take care of my 2 year old, and be a full time student at Kennesaw State University, and by the grace of God will be graduating next year. I could have taken the easy route but I chose not to. Instead I chose to turn my disappointments into lessons, and my lessons into blessings.

I had to stop and think is it necessary to bring everyone into 2015 ? As mean as this may sound it just goes with the age old idea that some people are around for reasons and the others for seasons. I’m not in the same place I was 6 months ago so I can’t keep people around who are in the same place as they were years ago, or worse off then they were. As I said before I’m ever changing always evolving I need to keep company that does the same. I plan on being a boss, so why wouldn’t I surround myself with bosses ?! Its only right ! Instead of stunting on each other we stunt together ! Amen and won’t he do it !

Ciao

Coco

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Did a lot of shit to live this here lifestyle

Everyone running around saying its a no flex zone the same ones ordering Hermes belts off Amazon. Did I bust your bubble ? You thought it was real ? Oh ! This topic has been itching at me for A While !

As I was taking my usual commute to school a couple weeks ago I was listening to Ryan Cameron, and Wanda as they touched on something so relevant to my peers. The fact that we pride ourselves on superficial things that we cannot afford. More specifically they were referring to the many young men who buy luxury cars but cannot afford to maintain or even put gas in their $65,000 car, which is so sad. Personally if you can afford a E Class Mercedes you shouldn’t be driving down 285 sweating bullets because your gas light is on.

I briefly worked at Saks off Fifth and there was so much humor in that job I wish I could get it back. The people that would come in asking about designer labels they couldn’t pronounce much less afford (my biggest pet peeve, say it with me gee-Von-shay aka Givenchy).

I find it humorous that in our 20’s we are still looking for acceptance from our peers. “There’s only one me, be you.” I understand that there is a minority of 20 something’s that can afford to maintain a certain lifestyle. Some of us worked harder then others, maybe had a few once in a lifetime opportunities, or even took a leap of faith in order to be in a better position. They would be the exception to the rule.

At the end of the day no one expects you to graduate from college and go into making $80,000 + as your annual salary. So why would you need to go purchase 2 chainz YSL belt buckle to compete with your more affluent counter parts ? Talk about champagne taste and beer money.

I understand the entertainment industry makes it point to make us regular folks feel as though material items is what makes us Bosses, but I beg to differ. At the end of the day, you speak on what you know. Can I mention that often times they don’t even pay for the items they own ? In advertising it’s called product placement. You give a celeb a product they’re spotted on the red carpet, maybe a shoutout on social media, and let consumerism work from there.

Basically, what I’m trying to say is live within your means. Compete with no one, definitely don’t put yourself in debt trying to impress the next person. Don’t make yourself look like a fool, due to i
Keeping up with the joneses, we have time for alllllll of that . Never be jealous of what some one has because you have no idea what they did to obtain it. Shoutout to all the scammers and identity thieves out there, I see you boo ! I’m tired of Wells Fargo sending me new cards cause of yall smh!

But I digress, cause I’m just a regular college student trying to keep my head above water.

Ciao Coco.

Declaration.

I recently completed a book titled “Her Crown”, written by Shana Bea & J.Chavae. (lovehercrown.com) The book was filled with positive affirmations on how you should live to get the most out of your life. How do you do this ? Declare yourself a QUEEN in your own right. I had to put mine in writing.

I am in competition with no woman. My dreams are becoming reality, and my journey has caused me to bend, but not break. My ambition keeps me pushing forward, and I refuse to succumb the pressures of others. I vow to take strides towards success while staying classy, and becoming graceful. I will not measure my success by the next person, but by what I have achieved. I will not look at my failures as a sign, but as an opportunity to try something different. I will not fall prey to stereotypes, nor place myself in a box. I will claim my victory in order to achieve, and receive. I will not wait for God to drop blessings in my lap, but I will work for my blessings. I will be the woman I was raised to be, and the woman society is afraid of. I will strive to appreciate my inner beauty, and let it shine through. I will walk with confidence, my head held high at all times. I will never be complacent, I am always evolving. I am approaching Queendom.

Ciao

-Coco

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To My Young King

On September 14, 2012 at 9:20pm, God placed a young king in my life. I will never forget the feeling when I took on the new identity if “mommy”. At that moment I knew it was my purpose to guide you, protect you, and most importantly love you. It has been quite the pleasure to watch you go from crawling to full out sprinting, from cooing to saying please and thank you. Seeing you so happy brings me so much joy to a capacity you may never understand. At 2 years old you are thriving, and it amazes me to see that you’d rather pick up a book then play with your toys. You are the best simply by being you. You motivate me to a point I cannot even describe and I promise to always push harder and be strong so that I can be the best for you. My young King, may God always send blessings your way. I love you forever and always, to the moon and back !
– ❤️Mommy

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Lotalty, Interdependence, Submission

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As far as relationships go everyone has their opinion on what makes a good relationship, and what a relationship should be. Our generation has a way of taking things and running with it, I believe we have a lot of things misconstrued and the ignorance of some is reflected on many.

Principal number one : Loyalty

Webster’s definition (s) : Faithfulness to commitments or obligations

faithful adherence to a sovereign, government, leader, cause, etc.

an example or instance of faithfulness, adherence, or the like: a man with fierce loyalties.

Now first to begin with to be quite frank, y’all’s definition of loyalty is messed up ! Loyalty is not allowing your mate to dog you out but you still “hold them down”. It’s not allowing someone to blatantly disrespect you or use you for their own personal gain and “letting it slide”. Nor is it taking care of someone who is perfectly capable of doing things on their own, but yet you aid them in being complacent, because you believe they’re going to change. Allowing someone to be self destructive and you watching without stopping it, is not loyalty.

In my opinion, being loyal is sticking with that person that you know you can succeed with. Being able to lift each other up, and balance each other out. Understanding one another’s struggles, and not allowing those obstacles to come between what you have together. Loyalty is not bailing each other out of jail, but investing in each other’s dreams. Believing in one another’s goals, and helping them to acquire the proper tools to reach those goals. Please correct me if I’m wrong. Loyalty is having faith in the commitment you have with another person, whether that be your significant other, friend, or otherwise.

Which brings me to principal number two: Interdependence

Webster’s definition : the quality or condition of being interdependent, or mutually reliant on each other

Not to be confused with codependency.

The difference between INTERdependence and COdependence is COdependence is an unhealthy addiction to someone, COdependence is one sided and can lead to destructive behavior. In a nutshell it’s being able to be mutually supportive of one another. Not to bring each other down, no matter how far fetched the dream might be. All it takes is one person to tell them it’s possible and a dream is a reality. It’s the small things too, be the person that they can count on to always answer the phone. To pick them up off the side of the road or let them use your printer at 2am. Whether an intimate relationship or friendship what’s the point if you can’t count on them to be there ?! Don’t let me feel like I’m there for you more then you are for me.

Principal number three: Submission

Webster’s Definition(s): to give over or yield to the power or authority of another (often used reflexively).

to subject to some kind of treatment or influence.

I KNOW I’m gonna get hell for this but just check me out ….
Submit, submission …. Is yet another word with a negative connotation attached mostly because of old school values. Women must be submissive …. I do NOT support that. But, what I can appreciate is MUTUAL submission. Most people do this without even noticing … And by people I mean men. How many times have you went along with something your gf wanted to prevent an argument ? Know what that is ? That’s right, submission. One thing that helps to keep the peace in a relationship is to pick and choose your battles, everything isn’t worth arguing about. Save the heated debates for the stuff you really feel strongly about. Unfortunately you can’t always have things your way, and it’s important to take other peoples feelings into consideration. Sometimes that means switching up the routine to make the other person happy. Maybe doing things a different way end up being a better way. How will you ever know if you don’t give it a chance ? Think about it.

Disclaimer: This post is based SOLEY off opinion and personal experience.

Ciao.

Coco.