To a younger me.

I think the hardest part about growing up is taking responsibility, and forgiving people who have wronged you.

I burn bridges so easily! It’s so much easier for me to tell you about yourself and never talk to you again. But as I mature and walk with God I have learned that burning bridges is actually running away from the situation. If I run away from the situation I’m not dealing with it, just ignoring it. Ignoring a problem won’t allow me to forgive. God forgives me for my daily shortcomings so why is it so hard for me to forgive the people that hurt me. In my eyes if you love someone you don’t hurt them, love shouldn’t hurt. Instead of burning bridges I should forgive and love from a distance easier said then done. I’m extremely emotional, I wear my heart on my sleeve, I try to treat people as I would want them to treat me. I would say I’m extremely loyal. Im very selfless (unless we’re talking about food.) just as easily as I love you I can cut you off, I’ve been called cold, but that’s my defense mechanism. I’ve realized that not being able to forgive, hurts me more than the other person. I guess I can’t drink the poison expecting them to die (hypothetically speaking).

Being able to talk about the hard things, owning up to your part in the situation is apart of maturing. I think that in order to make myself feel better I would justify what I did because of what the other person did. Tit for tat essentially, which is petty and immature. I’m no longer a feeble minded child but a full grown woman. In comparison I allowed people to stay in my life by making excuses for their actions. I allowed them to take advantage of me, and after they chewed me up and spit me out I was left alone to pick up the pieces. Being angry takes so much energy.

Being in a world apart from the one that everyone else lives in is hard. No one understands what your going through so every suggestion, word of advice, and wisdom just makes you more annoyed. I complained that no one understood because they were not in my position but that forced me to really set goals for myself and push forward. My anxiety made me feel as though everyone had something negative to say about me because of the negativity I felt about myself. The only thing to make those feelings change was to change the way I felt about myself. Growth and change starts with myself.

I felt like I had no one to depend on so I began to depend on myself. I began to find my strength, and realized how passionate, intelligent, and ambitious I was. I began to love myself and everything that came with me. I am extremely flawed I’m still learning to love myself but it happens a little more each day. The beauty in forgiveness is knowing that you were able to overcome something that once belittled you. It feels good to just let stuff go. Once you forgive you can live beautifully in the present. You can’t work on your future if your still stuck in the past.

Ciao.

Coco

Lotalty, Interdependence, Submission

As far as relationships go everyone has their opinion on what makes a good relationship, and what a relationship should be. Our generation has a way of taking things and running with it, I believe we have a lot of things misconstrued and the ignorance of some is reflected on many.

Principal number one : Loyalty

Webster’s definition (s) : Faithfulness to commitments or obligations

faithful adherence to a sovereign, government, leader, cause, etc.

an example or instance of faithfulness, adherence, or the like: a man with fierce loyalties.

Now first to begin with to be quite frank, y’all’s definition of loyalty is messed up ! Loyalty is not allowing your mate to dog you out but you still “hold them down”. It’s not allowing someone to blatantly disrespect you or use you for their own personal gain and “letting it slide”. Nor is it taking care of someone who is perfectly capable of doing things on their own, but yet you aid them in being complacent, because you believe they’re going to change. Allowing someone to be self destructive and you watching without stopping it, is not loyalty.

In my opinion, being loyal is sticking with that person that you know you can succeed with. Being able to lift each other up, and balance each other out. Understanding one another’s struggles, and not allowing those obstacles to come between what you have together. Loyalty is not bailing each other out of jail, but investing in each other’s dreams. Believing in one another’s goals, and helping them to acquire the proper tools to reach those goals. Please correct me if I’m wrong. Loyalty is having faith in the commitment you have with another person, whether that be your significant other, friend, or otherwise.

Which brings me to principal number two: Interdependence

Webster’s definition : the quality or condition of being interdependent, or mutually reliant on each other

Not to be confused with codependency.

The difference between INTERdependence and COdependence is COdependence is an unhealthy addiction to someone, COdependence is one sided and can lead to destructive behavior. In a nutshell it’s being able to be mutually supportive of one another. Not to bring each other down, no matter how far fetched the dream might be. All it takes is one person to tell them it’s possible and a dream is a reality. It’s the small things too, be the person that they can count on to always answer the phone. To pick them up off the side of the road or let them use your printer at 2am. Whether an intimate relationship or friendship what’s the point if you can’t count on them to be there ?! Don’t let me feel like I’m there for you more then you are for me.

Principal number three: Submission

Webster’s Definition(s): to give over or yield to the power or authority of another (often used reflexively).

to subject to some kind of treatment or influence.

I KNOW I’m gonna get hell for this but just check me out ….
Submit, submission …. Is yet another word with a negative connotation attached mostly because of old school values. Women must be submissive …. I do NOT support that. But, what I can appreciate is MUTUAL submission. Most people do this without even noticing … And by people I mean men. How many times have you went along with something your gf wanted to prevent an argument ? Know what that is ? That’s right, submission. One thing that helps to keep the peace in a relationship is to pick and choose your battles, everything isn’t worth arguing about. Save the heated debates for the stuff you really feel strongly about. Unfortunately you can’t always have things your way, and it’s important to take other peoples feelings into consideration. Sometimes that means switching up the routine to make the other person happy. Maybe doing things a different way end up being a better way. How will you ever know if you don’t give it a chance ? Think about it.

Disclaimer: This post is based SOLEY off opinion and personal experience.

Ciao.

Coco.

Theres a thin line between privacy and secrecy

” Assumptions are the termites of Relationships.” -Henry Winkler

One of the best traits about Pisces is that we love HARD, which is a gift for others but can sometimes be a curse for us. Love is one of the most abstract feelings God has blessed us with. It puts you on a permanent high that you cannot come down from. Finding someone who shares their thoughts, dreams, and food with you is no easy task, they’re placed in your life at the most random time in the most unsuspected place. So with all that in mind wouldnt you want to show them off ?!

I would call myself a private person, as far as social networking I offer my internet friends a peak into my life without pulling up the shade completely. Im not comfortable with people I have never met knowing every aspect of my life from what I post on Instagram. Social media has been the culprit in the death of many relationships. And this raises the issue of how much is too much ?! Personally I post a pic of me and my boyfriend here and there cause well, were cute as hell !  I like to let people know im in a relationship, you may not know his name, or where he lives, or what kind of car he drives, but you know he exists. I dont flood my tl every single day with our pics (cause no one likes that girl) when we have disagreements I dont post subliminal’s (good job everyone knows your bf cheated on you), I dont post selfies in my bed alone saying how I miss him (you look desperate girl), and i dont post pictures of every date, vacation, and gift we share. Basically I dont feel the need to prove how good (or bad) my relationship is. At the end of the day my business is just that, my business. That is my way of keeping outside influences out of my relationship because that little birdie in your ear will get you in trouble. And for the people that dont get the hint simply ignore them. I dont have to reply to every Tom, Dick, and Harry that says Im cute.

Now on the other hand there are those that try to play off keeping their relationship a secret as keeping it private. To keep it real if you dont want people knowing your in a relationship then you dont need to be in one. Why would you make yourself seem available if your not ?! So you post pics with everyone in America and the 3rd world countries but not your woman/man ?! Thats not fishy at all. Everyone talks about that “Beyonce and Jay Z” relationship but what they fail to realize is everyone knew when they were dating, and once they got married we did not see wedding pics but we knew. Bey and Jay are always seen in the media kissing, holding hands, being “Dangerously in Love”. But do we know that Bey was mad at Jay cause he went out and left her home ? No. Why? Because 1+1=2. Theres definitely a way to let people know your relationship status without letting people know your relationship. But Im gonna step off of my soapbox now but just know when you see him, thats allllll me. 

Ciao.

Coco.