I think the hardest part about growing up is taking responsibility, and forgiving people who have wronged you.
I burn bridges so easily! It’s so much easier for me to tell you about yourself and never talk to you again. But as I mature and walk with God I have learned that burning bridges is actually running away from the situation. If I run away from the situation I’m not dealing with it, just ignoring it. Ignoring a problem won’t allow me to forgive. God forgives me for my daily shortcomings so why is it so hard for me to forgive the people that hurt me. In my eyes if you love someone you don’t hurt them, love shouldn’t hurt. Instead of burning bridges I should forgive and love from a distance easier said then done. I’m extremely emotional, I wear my heart on my sleeve, I try to treat people as I would want them to treat me. I would say I’m extremely loyal. Im very selfless (unless we’re talking about food.) just as easily as I love you I can cut you off, I’ve been called cold, but that’s my defense mechanism. I’ve realized that not being able to forgive, hurts me more than the other person. I guess I can’t drink the poison expecting them to die (hypothetically speaking).
Being able to talk about the hard things, owning up to your part in the situation is apart of maturing. I think that in order to make myself feel better I would justify what I did because of what the other person did. Tit for tat essentially, which is petty and immature. I’m no longer a feeble minded child but a full grown woman. In comparison I allowed people to stay in my life by making excuses for their actions. I allowed them to take advantage of me, and after they chewed me up and spit me out I was left alone to pick up the pieces. Being angry takes so much energy.
Being in a world apart from the one that everyone else lives in is hard. No one understands what your going through so every suggestion, word of advice, and wisdom just makes you more annoyed. I complained that no one understood because they were not in my position but that forced me to really set goals for myself and push forward. My anxiety made me feel as though everyone had something negative to say about me because of the negativity I felt about myself. The only thing to make those feelings change was to change the way I felt about myself. Growth and change starts with myself.
I felt like I had no one to depend on so I began to depend on myself. I began to find my strength, and realized how passionate, intelligent, and ambitious I was. I began to love myself and everything that came with me. I am extremely flawed I’m still learning to love myself but it happens a little more each day. The beauty in forgiveness is knowing that you were able to overcome something that once belittled you. It feels good to just let stuff go. Once you forgive you can live beautifully in the present. You can’t work on your future if your still stuck in the past.
Ciao.
Coco
Reality Rostrum 